Do you care what others think?

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”

 —Chinese Taoist philosopher Lao Tze, born 6th century BC

I grew up with a mom who very often made it clear that we had to behave in certain ways, otherwise “What would people think?”  And I often wondered to myself, “Who exactly is she talking about?”

In our society today, there are many social “rules” of behavior that are anchored to that premise, that we should care a great deal about what others think.  As children, we are not inclined to challenge that premise, because, after all, it is coming from our parents, and they feed us!

But as adults, and as leaders and professionals, should we organize our lives around what others think?  Really? Should we anchor our thinking, our feelings and our actions around the opinions of others?

Business tends to reinforce this “care about what others think” premise in very real, tangible ways.  Leaders set performance goals for staff (often without their input), measure their performance against those goals, and evaluate individual contribution as a condition for compensation increases. All of this makes it clear that, if you want to succeed, it matters what others think about your work.

Perhaps this paradigm needs a bit of reflection.  No one can ever know what is best for another person. Is it possible that requiring attention on what others think actually robs the individual of freedom to do what matters most, and any responsibility for outcomes?  If people are working to please others, are they doing that work because it is the work that, in their professional judgment, is the work that matters most?  Is it possible that our chronically low engagement scores among professionals is a function of people not being permitted to focus on their own intrinsic motivations for doing the work, but rather they must focus on meeting the expectations of others?

Maybe a new paradigm is in order, focused on purpose.  Why did the professionals come into their professions in the first place? Do we trust that their purpose is aligned with the purposes of the organization? Are they accomplishing that purpose in their work?  Do they have the resources that they need to be successful in their work?  Is the leader doing what is required to make sure that professionals can be successful beyond their wildest dreams, while getting the work of the organization accomplished.

Clearly, this takes courage, but professionals cannot live their lives to the fullest, and accomplish their goals and dreams, if they are focused instead on concerns over what others think about them.  

Maybe, just maybe, what others think of you is none of your business.