Growing up, I was often told to be careful who I hung around with. It seemed to be almost a conspiracy agreement among my parents, my teachers, and our neighbors that it was best to hang with some, and not others. But at the same time, no one ever really told me why some were more agreeable as friends, and others less. Without details, I was left to my own devices to figure out who was okay, and who was not.
Frankly, by the time I was ten, I had made many friends in the neighborhood without any coaching from all those well-meaning advisors. Things worked out, despite my not knowing who was on the favored list, and who was not.
As an adult, I’ve learned that who I hang with really is very important. Some of my “friends” over the years had my back, while others took advantage when I turned my back. Life experience is a hard teacher. But I’ve learned my criteria for choosing colleagues, clients and other friends:
- Will they listen when you need an ear? True friends are willing to set aside their own daily story to listen to a friend.
- Will they speak well of you when you are not present? True friends support one another whether together or not.
- Will they risk telling you when you might be off-base about something, even though it might hurt to hear the truth? True friends say what they see (albeit with kind candor), so that you know their perspectives.
- Will they value differences with you as opportunities for each of you to learn from the other? Differences are treated as gifts that broaden perspectives.
- Will they remain in friendship when things go south, conditions change or mistakes are made? True friends are loyal, and accepting of one another’s imperfections.
- Will they take time with you? True friends make sure to be available to one another. They value time together, to share life experience, ideas, and aspirations.
These are just some of the lessons I’ve learned about who to hang with…
What would you add?
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